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For months, our all-volunteer team of designers have been hard at work whipping child laborers in order to produce garments bearing the Muskets! logo for the official Muskets! Merch Shoppe!

Each shirt is painstakingly hand-sewn by a tiny Korean boy named Tao whose hands are fused into claws from years of fine manual labor. Then they are hand-painted to exacting specifications by Jeff, a big guy who we were going to fire for drinking on the job, but then he showed up with some of his buddies and they seemed pretty raw. Jeff tells us that the designs are excellent.

I'd tell you where the pins and hats come from, but the number of bodily fluids involved might be too much for our younger readers. Suffice to say, there's a little bit of us in each and every item.

Be it a scary Batman, a happy pimp, an 8-bit frog, or the sentence "I have poisoned the tea," our shirts will serve all your comedy and poison informing needs. Please, don't let Tao's work be in vain.

Production shortfalls come out of his daily rice ration, and he's looking sickly as it is. For all our sakes, check out the shop today!