For months, our all-volunteer team of designers have been hard at work whipping child laborers in order to produce garments bearing the Muskets! logo for the official Muskets! Merch Shoppe!
Each shirt is painstakingly hand-sewn by a tiny Korean boy named Tao whose hands are fused into claws from years of fine manual labor. Then they are hand-painted to exacting specifications by Jeff, a big guy who we were going to fire for drinking on the job, but then he showed up with some of his buddies and they seemed pretty raw. Jeff tells us that the designs are excellent.
I'd tell you where the pins and hats come from, but the number of bodily fluids involved might be too much for our younger readers. Suffice to say, there's a little bit of us in each and every item.
Be it a scary Batman, a happy pimp, an 8-bit frog, or the sentence "I have poisoned the tea," our shirts will serve all your comedy and poison informing needs. Please, don't let Tao's work be in vain.
Production shortfalls come out of his daily rice ration, and he's looking sickly as it is. For all our sakes, check out the shop today!
Like what you see? Want to give back, but feel like most charities are just elaborate scams created by the illuminati/reptile people who run the world government? Well, first of all, your suspicions are dead on. And secondly, why not give back to your favorite struggling comedians, the Muskets!
Here are some things YOU can do to feel like you kind of know us (even though you don't, and never will because we are too important):
Subscribe to our Youtube Channel: The more subscribers, the more ad revenue we get. The more ad revenue we get, the less often we have to rely on our parents for cocaine money.
"Like" our College Humor Vids: The CH audience hates us, but with your help, maybe one day they'll like us. That's it; that's as much approval as you can get there. Help us get it!
Fan us on Facebook: Declare your love for the site in front of everyone, proving once and for all that you're comfortable with the person you've become, and they can all just go fuck themselves.
Pay It Forward: Have a friend who could use a laugh? Spread the word! Send that link! Embed that video! Refer to us as "the greatest sketch troupe you're not watching" at parties or in your nationally syndicated entertainment column.
It may not sound like a lot, but we survive on word of mouth, as long as that word isn't "meh." Do these things, and earn your place in the inevitable TAM! Laughocracy of the future. You can be Pope!