Are you sick of your skin freezing at night and burning during the day? Tired of staring at everyone's red, raw nipples all the time? Isn't it about time someone invented something that allowed you to cover your filthy body?
Well, someone did, and that person is the Muskets! Merch Shoppe! Not only will our shirts cover your shame from the sight of God, they'll place large, colorful designs on your chest area to warn other humans that you are dangerous, and to be avoided.
If you've got a favorite sketch, chances are we've got a shirt, cap, pin or thong with some line or something plastered all over it. And unlike other shirt stores, by buying Muskets! Merch, you're directly supporting struggling artists, rather than a faceless conglomerate.
Although Cafe Press does get roughly eighty-five percent of the proceeds. And we usually spend the rest on California burritos and Stoli. I'm going to wrap this up while there's still some interest. Rummage through our virtual chiffarobe!
We know how it is: you've watched our videos so much that your eyes are physically rejecting them, and now you need to come down. Well, frankly we don't approve of your browsing non Muskets!-related sites, but we understand the human urge to experiment. Hell, we ourselves once smoked a marijuana cigarette after band practice. Well, almost.
So go, spread your wings, be free. But do yourself a favor, and check out some of these Muskets!-approved troupes. They're guaranteed to tickle even the stubbornest of fancies. And what's more, all of their members have been pre-screened by us as stand-up cats.POYKPAC: A Brooklyn-based comedy pentagram so witty and raw, you'd swear Oscar Wilde was beating you with a broom handle.
Good Neighbor: Like true good neighbors, they will fill you with warmth and joy, and are usually willing to pick up your mail and watch your cats if you go out of town.
Tremendosaur: Two young men trying to make it big in Hollywood by filming funny Internet videos? I wonder where they got that idea. Probably from their stupid faces.
Sorry, that last one kind of got away from me. We fully endorse Tremendosaur, and Jacob and Justin actually seem like great guys. For idiots.I'VE STILL GOT IT BABY!