Michael Swaim was just a cub reporter for The Superficial, scouting celebrity travel routes and photoshopping herpes onto young starlets, when a naÔve attempt to photograph the Jolie-Pitt children led to his being crushed in an industrial press.
But within his broken body, the spark of life lingered. And the editorial board of an up-and-coming comedy website seized the opportunity. After bartering with The Superficial for Swaim's body (legend has it they paid eighteen dollars and some glass beads), the Cracked.com engineers got to work.
They knew they could fix him. Make him more sedentary. Shallower. More of a wiseacre. It cost them nearly four hundred dollars and most of a night's work, but by morning they had done it. S.W.A.I.M., the world's first android web talk show host, was a mad fantasy no more.
Some hosts are born. Some are made. See if you can decipher which is the case over at the S.W.A.I.M. video gallery. Shout the correct answer at the screen and money will come out of your printer!
In Hollywood, you make it by doing what's known as "networking." After a lot of trial and error, we've discovered what networking is NOT: It's not yelling that you're mad as hell and you're not going to take it any more, it's not offering indiscriminate blowjobs to people in suits, and it's certainly not premeditated murder (I'm not even sure what we were thinking on that one).
So now we're trying to network the only way we know how. Namely, by pointing you in the direction of some of our favorite sketch troupes in the hopes that when they strike it big they'll let us bang their spillover babes. Here's to you, gents!Fatal Farm: These guys make our wildest dreams look like perfectly manageable post-production effects. Prepare to be amazed and awesomely bewildered by a series of epic sketch projects that function entirely within a universe of their own devising.
BriTANick: Sharp, fresh, young, and handsome as the dickens. What's not to love? Also, in case you were wondering, we think it rhymes with "Titanic." You know, that movie they clearly want to be associated with.
Scott Gairdner: One man. One mission. Some other people as well, although admittedly they get less credit. One awesome website chock full of great sketches and some hilarious side projects.
There, we're all good and networked. Do we get a movie deal now? Anyone?